But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
