His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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