i can't believe i had my finger in that
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Randomize
