This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
