I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
