i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize