It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
