So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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