So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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