Having a random hookup so left but love u
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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