farters have to be the big spoon...
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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