the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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