Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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