the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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