What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
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