Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
