The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
