so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
