i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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