if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
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