I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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