Since when is my name a synonym for head?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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