Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Randomize
