i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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