Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
