I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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