you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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