you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
