my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
