Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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