Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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