aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Randomize