I'm lost and stupid without you.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
