Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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