love makes seman taste better
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
