Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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