he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
