I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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