Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
