Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
