remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
