you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
