____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Randomize
