at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
