Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
