Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize