They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Randomize
