ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Randomize
