im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
