im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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