so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
