I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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