the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
