You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
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