butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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