If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
