yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
