apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You may now shotgun with the bride
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
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