Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I cut my penus on the lid.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
