I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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