What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize