Little spoons don't ask big questions
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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