smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize