when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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