guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
