I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
