Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize