is your mom at the bar?
My friends, they love my intelligence
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
