I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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