if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
