This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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