every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I intend to get homeless drunk
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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