sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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