is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
