love makes seman taste better
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
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