Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
