Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
