i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
