I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I just cut my nipple shaving
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize