ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
