i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
