repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
