I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
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