Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
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