with your own penis?
My hand turned me down
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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