Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
