my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
