I'll bet she douches with gravy.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
