Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize