Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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