I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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