i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize