i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
