My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
