he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize