my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
