Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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