allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
